Michelle O'Neil,Writer

Why do you sometimes go by Ilonka? And why do you also go by Michelle? Make up your mind already, lady.

My legal first name is Ilonka. My middle name, Michelle. When I was a child, my parents and extended family called me by my middle name. This stuck all through high school. There were always at least three Michelles in my classes growing up, and I’d wondered what it would be like to have a different name, to use my first name, etc. so when I got to college I decided to try it out. The problem was, I went to a community college to start, and knew many of the other students attending. It was confusing for them, and their confusion made me squirm. I felt like an imposter, imagining them thinking, what the heck is she trying to pull, calling herself by this strange name? But, this is where the first set of people who call me Ilonka come from. It ultimately became too stressful for me to have to explain that it was my actual name, and to draw that kind of attention to myself, and so I reverted back to using my middle name by the time I transferred to a four-year state university.

I happily used Michelle for the next 20+ years, and all was well. I did sometimes wonder what it would be like to use my first name though.

When we moved to Florida in 2013, I figured this was my last chance. I was in my forties. I knew no one, and could introduce myself however I wanted. So I began using my first name. All was well. It was interesting how people you meet just automatically call you what you tell them your name is? It’s fantastic! It is also interesting how people who have known you forever are NOT going to call you a new name. I say this not to judge or blame them. I have a friend who I called Kathy all through high school, and come to find out, she preferred Kathleen. 30-years later it still takes a lot of effort for me to switch to Kathleen in my brain when I am addressing her. I get it.

There were the rare few sweet souls, who diligently made the switch, or attempted to. I can count them on one hand and love them for trying. I feel quite a bit of guilt for their struggle with it.

My kids and my husband didn’t bat an eye when I started using my first name. They’d never called me Michelle or Ilonka anyway. Whatever, mom.

So…all was well for Ilonka, until the 2016 election. Now Trump was president and the name Ivanka was in the public consciousness. Starting around that time, I suddenly, multiple times per day, was mistakenly called Ivanka instead of Ilonka. It got to be too much. And since I had this other perfectly good name, my middle name, that half the people I knew already called me, and had always called me, I decided to switch back when we moved to South Carolina.

I really don’t care whether you call me Ilonka or Michelle. At this point I weave back and forth seamlessly, almost how one feels comfortable being called a nickname. So please, whichever name you are used to, call me that with wild abandon. I’m using Michelle for my writing. Blame Ivanka.

Hope that clears things up for anyone who was wondering. Though I am sure on your list of things to think about or concerns for the day, these names of mine are nary a blip.